Cuddle Bug

Christmas was hard this year. We had to say goodbye to Harrison. We hadn't even had him for a year, but he crept into our hearts the very first day we took him home, it was hard not to fall in love with him despite how annoying he could be. We had to kick him out to the barn a couple months ago because he started pissing all over everything we owned. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, and so I took him into my work to check if he had a urinary tract infection, even though I was pretty sure he didn't since he would stand up and flick his tail as he peed all over the wall. Anyways, the results came back, no UTI, damn it! A UTI would have been easy to fix, but a behavior problem, not so much. I tried a nurture calm collar, which is a pheromone collar for cats that is supposed to help calm them. I swear by them for a couple of our other cats, but they didn't work for Harrison. So out to the barn it was. This was a sad moment as well since he was my cuddle bug. He was a good cuddle bug too. Things around the house became much calmer. He was no longer inside to run around the house like crazy at night knocking stuff down and no more Riley screaming in the middle night because of Harrison torturing her. It was kind of nice, but I still missed my baby boy. 

He would sit on the front porch and meow and meow and jump up on the windowsill  outside and stare in continuing to meow and meow. I would feel so bad for him and let him in, but after a little while he would go over to the wall and piss all over it. His favorite spot being the wall mounted heater that is right over the heating duct, which was the worst spot he could have chosen. The pee would go all over the heating elements and I would have to take the whole thing apart to clean it, but the worst part was the heating duct right below that all the urine would inevitably drip into. Mike had to get down on his stomach and reach his arm as far down in there as he could with a rag dipped in bleach and hot water to scrub it out. Thank goodness we were able to get the smell out of there, none the less Mike said no more letting Harrison inside. I felt bad for the guy, but I also didn't want our house reeking of cat piss, so there was no more letting Harrison inside. I made a point of it to go outside at least 3 times a day for at least 5 minutes each time just to hold and pet him, it was our "cuddle time". Eventually the meowing at the window got better, and I felt less and less bad for him. 

Then a couple of weeks ago I noticed he was breathing kind of funny and would sneeze and cough sometimes. I was a little worried, but I figured it wasn't anything serious since he was only a year and a half, and that it must have been that he wasn't used to the cold. About a week ago he no longer wanted me to hold him like a baby when I would spend our "cuddle time" together and thought nothing of it really, now it dawns on me that he probably had a hard time breathing in that position. Anyways, Christmas morning I went outside to take care of him and the other outside cats and the chickens, when I noticed him under the front porch coughing and screaming. That scream sounded like he was dying. This is when I knew something was wrong. He didn't want to come out from under the porch, but when he finally did I grabbed him and noticed how bad his breathing was. I took him inside, wrapped him in a towel, and sat by the wood stove with him trying to warm him up in hopes that it would help, and it did... a little. I sat with him for hours waiting for his breathing to get better, and contemplating what I should do. Normally I would have rushed into emergency without a second thought, but since I've been out of work for 20 weeks and have no pet benefits left I was in a pickle. Mike tried to convince me that he was getting better, which he was, but only minimally, and wanted to wait until the next day so we could take him to my work so we could pay less and be able to do more for him as far as how far our money would go. But I knew something was seriously wrong. Whenever I'd move or he'd get stressed out because of the dogs running around he would cough and turn a light shade of purple around the mouth and do a little bit of open mouth breathing. I talked to one of the Vets at my work via text message and she reinforced what I already knew, that I had to bring him in. So we got in the car and took him to emergency. He got so stressed out in the car he started open mouth breathing like crazy and I started to worry that we wouldn't make it in time. We did get there though, and they took him straight back to stabilize him. I hate emergency. Don't get me wrong, they do great work there and they are always very nice and caring, but you never take your animal there unless it's something serious. We were there almost exactly a year ago with Dexter when we had to put him down, and it just brings back horrible memories of that incident. I also have to work there 2 times a year to fill in on holidays, and I absolutely hate it. It's crazy and hectic and there are sick and dying animals all around. I could never work there full time, I can barely make it through an 8 hour shift! Anyways, we waited in the lobby for awhile and then they took us into the same room as last time with Dexter, which didn't help the situation, and we waited for the doctor. When she finally came in she told us that they were able to stabilize Harrison and that to do so they had to drain a bunch of fluid from his chest that they found with an ultrasound. She said that they had pulled off at least 200 mls of fluid from around his lungs, and that the fluid was sticky and had a lot of protein in it which lead her to believe that it was FIP (Feline Infectious Peritonitis), which is a a disease that most cats have come into contact with, but it is referred to as feline coronavirus unless it mutates. Most cats have no problem with it, but in a small percentage the virus mutates and becomes deadly, which is what happened to Harrison. There was nothing we could have done to prevent this and nothing we could have done other than to put him out of his misery. It was hard to say goodbye to him though since you could tell he was feeling much better without all the fluid around his lungs and with the pain medication they had given him, but we knew we had to. So we said our goodbyes to Harrison and put him to sleep. I held him and he purred the entire time, which made me happy to know he wasn't in pain anymore.

It won't be the same around here without you buddy. I will miss your meows at the window for attention and our "cuddle time". I am glad you got to spend your last hours inside where it was warm and I am glad I got to spend those last hours holding you. I am mostly glad that you are not in pain anymore, and am sorry it took me so long to realize there was something seriously wrong. I love you buddy, and hope you can forgive me as I try to forgive myself. I will never forget you. 

Love, Mommy. 

He loved boxes, but what cat doesn't?!

Look at those big eyes, who wouldn't fall in love with him?

My sweet boy